Q. 19. Singapore.
a collection of:
fragments of time and thought. personal blog • ask me anything
whirlpools of infinity
a collection of:
fragments of time and thought. personal blog • ask me anything
whirlpools of infinity
red velvet curtain
Sometimes, I want to tell you to shut the fuck up. But I don’t tell you that. I feel like we need to be on good terms but most of the time, you irritate me to no end.
Recently, I have realised how spread out everyone is now. Geographically, mentally and emotionally. Facebook helps you keep up with your friends, but it also makes me realise how much I need to get the hell out of here. There are plenty of opportunities here, but the generally narrow minded-ness of people here irks and fascinates me at the same time. How can a nation so well educated be so arrogant and pompous about all the wrong things? It’s not something to be proud of, and there are so many greater things out there. This is not the centre of the universe, it’s not a hub of everything, that’s just marketing.
I felt so wanted back then. It felt so good to be wanted but the reason was so wrong. The atmosphere was like a heavy red velvet curtain. The hands, the touch, the liquor. I wasn’t drunk, but I desperately wanted to be.
Pushing boundaries. I’ve been going out of my comfort zone and it’s been so rewarding. Undertaken very exciting and challenging projects. This summer will be projects and dance, no job and a little broke but it’s been really fulfilling so far.
Life is so fragile. Please take care of yourself and stay safe.
I feel like I’m about to die right now. Just checked my sub-grades online, saw a B- for “assignments”.
No more Dean’s List.
Why is it that I’ll always be unhappy with something in my life?
I thought I would be fine by now, but I’m not. Am I over-estimating my abilities?
end of week 11
This week:
Physically exhausted everyday, hence unable to do any mental work as well.
I’ve been dancing every day. A distraction, or excuse for me to procrastinate. It’s nice to be able to go around the floor so many times a day. I feel like it’s healthy and productive. It’s nice to have a fixed partner for once; and an equally enthusiastic partner at that. So that’s great. I need to work on my stamina though. I don’t know whether it’s because I’m sick or whether I’m just not strong enough, I can’t make it through a whole dance recently. But it’s nice to dance.
Feeling very intellectually challenged and stimulated during lessons. Feel a compulsive need to participate in class, but have nothing to say or am too lazy to.
Skin tone is improving. Less red and pissed off recently. Also got rid of a lot of oil clogs with the cleansing oil and it’s only been 10 days or so. Amazing. Getting a bit more inflamed surface pimple things, maybe it’s the gunk all coming up to the surface but not completely out of the skin? I don’t know, but I’ll take this type of pimples over cystic acne any day.
Coughing my lungs out and sore throat. Presented with my sexy frog voice on Thursday and quite sure that I didn’t do very well for that presentation.
I keep smelling Coco Mademoiselle everywhere. Have smelt it on the train ~6 times this week. One more reason I hate that scent although I have an almost full bottle in my dresser. Sigh.
Keep dreaming of perfumes. It goes like this: I work in a perfume shop, not one of those department store types but a small one filled with niche brands and quality mainstream offerings. Beautiful, chic, and curiously intelligent looking boys and girls patronise this place. The boys keep trying out women’s fragrances and they smell good. The girls buy Acqua di Parma colognes and Diptyque candles.
Bought myself a candle from a local organic/green beauty supply shop. Asked them for a summer job, have yet to get a reply but I really want to work there. It smells nice. I don’t believe in “natural” beauty products, I don’t think they work and they will and do irritate my skin. But I wish I could use them. There is something unbelievably wonderful about using natural things.
Am very into natural things lately. Have stopped being a controlling freak about carbs and gluten. Have stopped wearing makeup, because I just can’t be bothered lately.
Feeling tired but satisfied this week. Legs are sore from practice and need new dance shoes. But so happy and fulfilled.
